the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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