I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
