But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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