rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
