I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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