ya dads aren't the best wingmen
This is not my ceiling
I think my vagina is haunted
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
