I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
