Im at strip club and am horny
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
