Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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