It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
