You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
