So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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