At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
