Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
