Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
