omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
