Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
