I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
