God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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