i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
