You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
