physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
soo... how was my night?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
