I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
