My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
