Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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