He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
what is it with giant penises always finding me
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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