I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
