bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
