What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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