Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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