That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
