PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
