I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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