I'm jealous of your bromance
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
