Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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