Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
