who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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