"it" just moved
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
