She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
