So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
