And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
