Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
