i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
