screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
