i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
