And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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