why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
