I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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