i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
