I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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