You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
